By Karl Ayling, Mar 7 2017 09:15PM
As I sat down to write this blog, I’m not at all sure what to call it. There are two strands of recent inspiration - the first, learning about the concept of Countertransference (and how it effects all of us in a variety of ways) and the second was a recommendation to watch Deeyah Khan’s TED Talk called; What We Don’t Know About Europe’s Muslim Kids.
So, I am going to combine my thoughts and musings into what I hope merges into a coherent whole, let’s see.
Starting with Countertransference; those of you who have read one or two of my blogs will know that I’m a Penticostal Evangelical Christian – my faith in Jesus has, over the last several years contributed to miraculous healing from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). My Twitter account calls me a survivor of CSA – Childhood Sexual Assault and an ex-addict.
What is perhaps less well known is that my book, Massive Power Massive Love was largely written from the inspiration contained in my trauma diary, kept during some 350 hours of psychotherapy & counselling over several years.
The marketing and media work that I have undertaken in the promotion of this book of Psalmic poetry has, over time, given me the confidence to consider re-training. So when an opportunity opened up recently to attend Chichester University to study Psychotherapy & Counselling - off I went.
As part of my studies, I've come across a book called 'Countertransference and the Treatment of Trauma' by Dr C J Dalenberg. Cross referencing this book with the research available on the subject at Wikipedia;
I am starting to come to the conclusion that as human beings, our communication, innerspeak to ourselves, and our interaction with others, can and does become strongly influenced by our own traumas and our reactions to them mingled with the other persons experiences of traums and their reactions to them. Over time, we forget something important, something significant which happened to help mold us, that has us respond to stimuli in a certain way, sort of a locked-in automatic response.
I remain indebted to the counsellors who captured this element of myself and permitted me to steer towards wholeness and a set-change / revision of who I am to me that helped me to relate to others in a more wholesome, healed, warm and adult way.
Which brings me to Deeyah Khan’s TED Talk which you can see here;
As the child of an Afghan mother and Pakistani father raised in Norway, Deeyah Khan knows what it's like to ...
The reason for including this section in this blog is that upon watching the video I became intimately aware that my long held judgments, assessments and opinions indeed prejudices, were juvenile at best and really didn’t help to serve me as a communicator to describe what I feel about the obvious traumas that immigrants and refugees have endured in order to find a small part of a more peaceful nation in which to escape or settle.
The video explains the nuclear family traumas rent upon the younger generation by extreme control and manipulation by the largely patriarchal figures / parents / family which sends predominately young people and converts into the hands of extremists. Extremists who offer a listening ear, acceptance, camaraderie, a hope for self-e_xpression and eventually martyrdom - check out the video, I’m not really doing it justice here.
It touched me sufficiently to combine consideration of my own experiences of trauma with that of others and eventually to emerge with empathy for others, others who are perhaps alien to me, yet still human beings who have also suffered much and are seeking something else, something different from what went before them.
Resistance to change is futile – we all die in the end. It is what happens before then that we have a choice in.
A caring, sharing, loving sentient adult will not make the same choices as a traumatised person suffering the pain of unimaginable horrors. Healing from traumas takes time, it is a journey, ongoing throughout life. Some never start the journey. My hope is that some will start the inquiry into inner healing having seen this blog.
Bye for now